Getting Personal

Lately, all of my blog posts have been about my baby girl, or where we happen to be living this month, or whatever other superficial stuff is on my mind.  I read blog post today from a friend that made me think about what I blog about.  It is a fine line, the whole blogging thing.  Sharing myself with family and friends, but politely balancing between being superficial and throwing out too much personal information.  My personality is usually to stick to the superficial and be safe.  But today I am going to get personal and tell you what is really on my mind.

Moving is hard.  All of a sudden, the only people I know are my husband and my baby.  I am so used to calling on my friends and family for anything at any time.  For months since we moved her, I have relied so much on Chad.  Now being in our home, we are feeling a lot more settled.  We love being in our home.  Jordyn has space to walk around and she can entertain herself just by going up and down the stairs all day.  But the best part about being in our home is our new ward.  I have never been in a ward like this before.  We had 15 people from our last ward volunteer to move us out, and 15 more people volunteer from our new ward to move us in.  We were overwhelmed by the service.  Only 1 person from our ward in Payson asked if we needed any help moving out. (True, we had a company moving us and did not need or ask for the help.  But still...)  Everyone in the ward introduces themselves and makes attempts to get to know us.  One family from the ward came to help us unload the truck and move our stuff in, then later that night they texted us to see if we needed anything at the store.  They were doing some grocery shopping and offered some service.  We are so taken back by the kindness and service.  It seems unreal.

Being a stay at home mom is...different.  Before, a year ago, I never really felt like being a new mommy was difficult or too stressful.  I did not really sacrifice much.  You hear a lot of mothers and non mothers talk about the sacrifices mothers make for their children.  I never really felt like I was sacrificing.  So what if I have to buy diapers instead of new shoes?  I feel so differently now.  I feel like I have sacrificed my career.  I loved teaching.  It really let it define me.  I don't have that defintion anymore.  For the first time in my adult life, I am not doing what I want to do.  I want to be teaching.  But now is not the time.  I need to take care of my family for a while.  I am not one to sit still for very long.  I want to be going and doing.  And not going to the store, or doing laundry.  In the past I have been all about working, but working for me.  Now I am working for my family, and it is just different.  Good, don't get me wrong, it is good.  But different.  To some veteran moms this may sound like common sense.  I guess I have just been nieve.

And the last deep thought is deveoted to money.  While shopping for a home we looked at about 25 houses.  Our realtor usually shows about 5 home before making the sale.  We saw 25!  One of the first homes we saw was a 3400 sq ft home on .23 of an acre, built in 2006.  Here, a home that size on a lot tha size is huge.  It was in our price range, so we put an offer on.  It was a short sale, so we were doing the whole waiting game and kept looking at other homes.  Nothing was as BIG for that price.  One day I started thinking, what makes me think I should get to have a nice big home?  What have I done to deserve this?  What makes me think I need this big home?  We can afford this, it is in our price range, but what make me think I should have it?  We ended up getting a different home, a smaller home, on a .10 of an acr, built in 1993.  But that thought has stuck in my mind.  Why do I think I need all this nice new stuff?  I was just fine with my old stuff before.  I have no answers to all these questions.  I am still just thinking about them.

There you have it.  A post about what really goes on in my mind.  It is not as exciting as a trip to Utah, or birthdays.  It is not as cute as a baby playing peek-a-boo.  But I feel a little less superficial now.