Being Brave

This is one of those posts that even as I type it I wonder, "Why am I telling this to all the world?"

I was up forever last night.  Jordyn let out a scream at about 12:30, something she kind of does a lot.  I think she has nightmares cause usually she doesn't wake up, she just yells out.  Anyway, it woke me up and I laid there with my mind racing for about 2.5 hours. 

Since I stopped teaching, I have felt quite lost.  I feel like I have to be doing something that connects me to the world outside of my home.  I know that taking care of my family is an important thing and I am so grateful I get the opportunity to do so.  But I feel like I need to be doing something more.  I wish I did not feel this way, but I do.  I have thought and thought about what I need to do to get that feeling of satisfaction that I have been lacking.  I have thought about teaching again next year, but the timing is just bad.  We want to have another baby and I am hesitant to start in a new state, new curriculum, new school and most likely a new grade level with the knowledge that I will probably have to take a 6 week maternity leave during the year.  It feels overwhelming thinking about it.  So, I thought maybe I could tutor.  I really, really tried to be brave and put myself out there.  It took a lot of courage for me to advertise myself.  I took fliers around to all the schools.  I put an add on craigslist.  I signed up with a company that connects tutors to students.  After 4 months, still nothing has come of it.  Frustrating.

So I am coming up with a plan B, and again I have to be brave and put myself out there.  Since we moved into our house, I have been a sewing maniac.  I sew as often as Jordyn will allow me too.  I have tried so many new things and really branched out with what I have created.  I have finally come around the the idea that was originally Chad's.  I want to try selling some of  my stuff.  It is more terrifying to put myself out there this way than it was to attempt tutoring.   My confidence in education completely outweighs my confidence in sewing.  Education: Master's Degree, Sewing: A few home-ec classes in high school.  So really, even to blog about it is scaring me to death.  I am not quite ready to post all of what I would like to sell.  I plan to sell most of it through etsy and as soon as I figure out how too, I will post some stuff here as well as on facebook.  Hopefully others will think it is cute, cause I do!  

I was taking some pictures of a dress I made, using Jordyn as a model.  And although this pic does not showcase the dress at all, I just love these cheeks and these baby blues!